False Self, True Self
6 Core Wound Beliefs and How They Play Out In Your Life
True self. False self. Hummmmm….how much time do you spend being in your authentic, true self? What about in your false self?
Relationships are one of the biggest learning tools we have. If we allow it, we can see the honest reflection of ourselves in another person. When in relationship with others (the kind of relationship where you have a deeper connection), can you be your true, authentic self?
Your true self is when a person is living by and expressing their real feelings and deepest desires. Your false self is when a person has repressed their feelings, changed their behavior or pushed aside their needs in order to be liked or in order to survive. It is a persona that people create early in life as a protection mechanism from re-experiencing developmental trauma or childhood relational trauma (9 Symptoms of Relational Trauma article). The created protection mechanism is known as a ‘core wound.’
The core wound was initiated at a point when you first felt separated from love or you felt you were not loved; any instance that our young brains interpreted actions to mean that we are separate from love. Whatever the action was, we formed a negative belief about ourselves. We then internalized this negative belief and have overcompensated with an opposite action in our behaviors to deny the belief. It is quite interesting to witness our behaviors and how these core wounds play out in our daily life. No relationship is ever a waste of your time yet when you look back at some of your relationships, you may realize that you were in them for all the wrong reasons. If you were in them for the wrong reasons, it is more likely than not that you were operating from your false self a lot of the time, which inevitably manifests as resentment and anger, amongst other strong, negative emotions.
Core wounds often go unnoticed - and for some people for an entire lifetime- because they were formed when we were babies. Core wounding is an idea of an actual physical, somatic response in the body that occurs between the ages of 6 months to 1 year old. The initial separation from love created a shock to the nervous system in our pre-verbal selves. It is not until later in a person’s ‘verbal’ developmental years that the brain makes up ‘the story’ of ‘why’ we are not lovable or worthy of love. And then, the belief is internalized.
The core wound and the negative belief that people have about themselves creates emotional pain in which this separation from love becomes the ‘standard’ emotional feeling state. However, it is registered in the body and is relegated into the unconscious part of our mind. When this happens, we begin living from what I call the habitual emotional body. For some people, they never investigate possibilities of feeling differently. Your core wound takes the driver’s seat by affecting nearly most everything you do. Learning about your core wounds and unraveling how they unconsciously lead your life can be a lifelong process and one that assists you in your spiritual development, and in having conscious relationships. Discovering your core pain beliefs, and dismantling the unconscious hold they have on nearly every aspect of your behavior, can be a lifelong task and one that is essential for your transformation, if you chose it.
It is painful to acknowledge these negative beliefs that we have about ourselves so we tend to deny them. This denial causes us to live out a set of compensative, opposite behaviors and to live your false self. This is the personality that we present to the world.
The core wound, the belief we made it mean about ourselves, and how we express our presenting, false self to the world is different for each one of us.
Here is a list of core wounds and the corresponding opposite behavior- false self- that we live in the world.
6 Core Wound Beliefs and How They Play Out In Your Life
1. Core wound belief: I am not lovable. Nobody will love me.
Behavior: I need to prove that I am lovable. I will be overly loving and accepting of things. This ultimately causes a lot of anger and resentment. With this, a person tries to appear loving but actually can’t receive it.
2. Core wound belief: I am alone. I am abandoned.
Behavior: I need to be around people. I need to connect with people. You find it hard to be by yourself and tend to be an over-connector. You feel that if you can connect with people you will be healed.
3. Core wound belief: I am not enough. I have no worth.
Behavior: I need to prove that I am not worthless and that I am enough. You tend to be a care-taker and an over-giver to prove that you are of value. There is a need for compliments and acknowledgment from yourself and others and you are overly independent.
4. Core wound belief: I am invisible. I do not exist.
Behavior: I need to do things to prove that I am something. You tend to be an overachiever to prove that you do exist.
5. Core wound belief: I am powerless. There is nothing I can do. I get screwed over all the time.
Behavior: I need to prove that I am powerful. You try to be big in your ways and appear more powerful than you actually are.
6. Core wound belief: I am imperfect. The negative belief that you have about yourself is there is something wrong with me.
Behavior: I need to prove that I am not imperfect. You tend to be a perfectionist and are a bit controlling of self and others. You believe that if you could just get it right, oh so perfect you will be healed.
Everybody in some form or another is lives from their false self and pretends that they do not feel lack of love. This lack of love feeling is our biggest collective wound. Unfortunately, we live in a world that seems to perpetuate fear. It is rare that we meet someone who is their true, authentic self. The goal is to try and be in that authentic, true self space more and more lessening the time that we are not living, opening and surrendering to love and freedom within; learning to unravel and work with your core wound can make that possible. Deep emotional healing is possible- no need to rush. Break free from your false self, break free from your limiting beliefs, enjoy the journey to your authentic, true self and be prepared to open to difficult emotions. It is so worth it!
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Jennevieve Ybarra
jennevieveybarra.com
Embodied Relationships
'Be the Love and the Lover You are Seeking’